do you ever just realize that you’re not a good person
Every damn day.
Honestly can’t wait for the 50 shades movie to normalize the manipulation of lower-level female employees. Can’t wait for the new wave of “consent is sexy” banners on the cover of cosmo. Can’t wait for teen girls to think that a controlling relationship is romantic. Can’t wait for sexualized violence to become increasingly mainstream. And most of all, I can’t wait for BDSM to be labeled a feminist revolution.
I need to know for reasons. Thanks!
Actual non-matinee money, even.
I find myself reaching for my wallet even now.
E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a five minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.
50 Shades of Grey does not depict a realistic kinky relationship, nor does it depict a healthy relationship of either the kinky or vanilla variety.
It is a Twilight fanfic, and has all the elements of Edward and Bella’s abusive relationship with kink added for extra flavor. Just as Edward and Bella are not a healthy or realistic couple, neither are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.
Christian Grey is an abuser who manipulates a young woman with zero knowledge of BDSM into a relationship with him. He knows she is ignorant of what a healthy BDSM relationship looks like, and uses this to:
- ignore and override her attempts at negotiation,
- play without a safeword (since she doesn’t know that they exist),
- create a false dichotomy of “either we’re kinky my way or we just don’t have sex at all,”
- threaten and stalk her,
- rape her,
- prevent her from discussing her relationship with anyone other than him,
- and control aspects of her personal life, including what car she drives, what medications she takes, and how she spends her free time.
This is not BDSM. This is not sexy. This is abuse.
Using 50 Shades as your basis for how a kinky relationship works (for critical or practical purposes) is like treating Titanic: The Legend Goes On as a historical documentary. Don’t do it.
I was hoping that we’d be over the 50 shades frenzy but I’m sure the new movie will make it crop up again, so here’s a reminder that it does not depict a health relationship or a BDSM relationship.
In light of the 50 Shades of Grey trailer coming out today, quick reminder that that book is about an abusive and controlling relationship, not BDSM.
Fanfiction (published or not) is important for women of all ages to explore gender roles and sexuality in a way that is less stigmatized and more accessible.
But do not do the BDSM community a disservice by calling the relationship described in the book a BDSM experience.
I would argue that it’s an abusive BDSM experience. The BDSM community would be doing itself and its members a disservice to deny the possibility for abuse to exist within it. It is BDSM. It is also abusive. That doesn’t mean it is representative of BDSM.